Somewhere Between Motherhood and Finding Myself.

I’ve started writing this in my head so many times, never really knowing where to begin.

Maybe because there is so much I want to say. Or maybe because, for so long, I’ve been so focused on making sure my daughter is okay that I haven’t always stopped to ask myself the same question.

How am I doing?

Being an autism mama has changed my life in ways I don’t think I could ever fully explain to someone who hasn’t lived it.

There is so much beauty in our world, but there are also things people don’t see.

The sleepless nights. The constant worrying. The research. The appointments. The paperwork. The school meetings. The advocating. The moments when I’m completely overwhelmed but still have to figure out what comes next.

The days when I feel like I’m doing everything right, followed by days when I question absolutely everything.

Sometimes motherhood feels lonely, even when you’re never actually alone.

And I think that’s something we need to talk about more.

I love my daughter with every part of who I am. That has never been a question. But I’ve learned that loving your child unconditionally doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel exhausted, frustrated, emotional, or uncertain sometimes.

Two things can be true. I can love this life we’ve built together and still have days when it’s hard.

One of the biggest things I’m learning is to stop comparing our journey to everyone else’s.

Our milestones look different.

Sometimes a new word is everything. Sometimes hearing her sing makes my entire day. Sometimes progress looks like understanding something that used to frustrate her. And sometimes, the biggest accomplishment is simply making it through a difficult day together.

I’ve learned to appreciate moments I probably would have overlooked before.

I’m also learning that my daughter doesn’t have to become someone different to be celebrated. She deserves to be understood, supported, respected, and loved exactly as she is.

And somewhere in the middle of learning how to give her everything she needs, I’m learning how to find myself again, too.

Because before I was an autism mama, I was Jasmine.

A woman with dreams, creativity, feelings, ambitions, and an entire identity outside of motherhood.

I still am.

For a while, I think I forgot that I was allowed to have both. That I could dedicate myself to being the best mother I can be while also wanting to create something beautiful for myself.

I’m realizing now that taking care of myself and pursuing my dreams doesn’t take anything away from my daughter. It gives us both something to grow toward.

That’s part of why I created this space.

I don’t want Autism Mama Diary to be another place where everything looks perfect, where every challenge has an inspirational ending, or where I pretend to have figured it all out.

Because I haven’t.

I want to write about the good days and the hard ones. The things that are helping us, the things I’ve tried that haven’t worked, the lessons I’m learning, and the feelings I sometimes keep to myself.

I want to talk about what it’s really like to navigate motherhood, autism, personal growth, and everyday life while still trying to become the woman I envision myself being.

And if another mother comes across one of these entries after having a difficult day, I hope she finds something here that makes her feel understood.

Not judged. Not pressured to be stronger. Just understood.

I don’t know exactly what this next chapter will look like.

I’m still learning. Still growing. Still advocating. Still healing parts of myself I didn’t even realize needed attention.

But I’m proud of how far we’ve come.

And I’m beginning to understand that finding my way doesn’t mean having every answer.

Sometimes it simply means showing up, giving myself grace, and trying again tomorrow.

This is our journey, but these are my words.

Welcome to my little corner of the world.

With love,

Jasmine ♡

An autism mama, a woman becoming, and a mother still finding her way.